why is it that so often in my relationship i find myself asking questions to which i dont actually want to know the answer? it has been ingrained in our minds, this list of things we think we should ask or should want to know or our curiosity eats us up inside and suddenly you find yourself asking, did anything ever happen between you and host-of-party-we-just-attended-friend-who-is-a-girl? why on earth would i possibly ask that?
naturally the right thing to do if the answer is yes, is lie. what good comes from saying yes something did happen? the only "good" thing in that instance is that you didnt lie. and we are taught from the time we break out of that womb that lying is bad and you should always tell the truth. well i myth busted that one. lying is just fine. please, lie to me.
of course he cant and we are stuck in bed trying to make sense of what was just said, with me feeling silly and irrational but hurt and nervous, and him feeling guilty and confused. now no matter how hard i try, i will always feel just a little uncomfortable around this girl who i otherwise would have liked. meanwhile i am sure that i have been with at least twice as many people as he has and still keep in touch with more than a handful of them. but in that moment that fact was lost on me, and all i could think was, why didnt you just say no.
theres that list of questions... how many people have you slept with? do you still have feelings for your ex girlfriend? has anything happened between you and any of your friends? and the list goes on. and for some reason so many people feel compelled to ask these things when really, nothing will change in your relationship if you never know the truth. who wants to hear that if you could still be with your ex, you would. but guess what, ex has a family now, and its just not possible, and ive grown to accept that and be ok with it, and im happy. and if i were to say, with complete honesty, i will always have feelings for him, what good does that do anybody?
im not usually so cynical. actually i say all this in an effort to be positive. if you cheat on me, and you regret it and didnt know the person and dont care about them and it in no way affects our relationship, dont tell me about it! i remember on an episode of sex and the city where carrie asks, is coming clean the ultimate selfish act? and i say yes. i understand that there are different scenarios, times when you need to admit what you did, times when you need to just end the relationship. but i cant understand fessing up to a one night stand that happened when you were drunk and ruining a perfectly good relationship.
i suppose ive moved onto another subject entirely. cheating to me has always been a similar issue though. i just dont think its as cut and dry as people make it out to be. to say that if someone is unfaithful, the relationship is over, no matter what, i just cant wrap my head around that. there are so many circumstances, dont you need to evaluate each instance on a case by case basis? i mean, tiger woods is one thing, but ive known plenty of people who have cheated or been the other man/woman, and they are perfectly normal, good people. shit happens, in perfect world it wouldnt but it does.
im not saying i would be ok with someone im with sleeping with another woman. if i found out about it, it would always be on my mind and i dont know if i could get past it. i mean look, im upset that something happened between this guy and his friend six years ago. so thats exactly the point. dont tell me, and we can stay happy.
i know few people are going to share these views, and thats fine. they sound awful. lie to me, and if you cheat on me dont tell me about it. im hesitant to even say these things because it makes me sound so jaded and even slutty. but maybe it gives you something to think about, even if you dont agree.
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Lick It.
23 hours ago